All Lives Matter- A Candid Conversation on Grief

1/29/20

Grief is a relentless beast. It stalks the griever and attacks without warning. It doesn't go away because we think positive or pray harder... It becomes a scar that stays with us for the rest of our days, healing gradually over time -but never completely. Just like a person who has had a leg amputated, we still feel debilitating "phantom" pain in the part of us that no longer exists. But we learn to move again, to breathe again. Healing is a process that takes daily work and can't be "fixed" by quoting empty platitudes to bully us into moving on.

I've been told to "let it go", "you have to get over it", "you can have another child", "he's in a better place", "God needed another angel", everything happens for a reason", "just have faith". None of these statements were helpful- in fact many were quite hurtful. Everyone wanted me to bounce back and be the person they knew even though I was missing the best part of myself. People who knew my child personally showed us less compassion than they have shown for a celebrity. Of course a celebrity will get more of a public outcry- that is understood. But I am not talking about the public. I'm talking about family and friends who are now posting "Life is short", "I don't know what to believe" , and "I am not ok" in response to a person who never knew they existed passing away.

Every parent that loses a child deserves the same compassion for their loss. I understand that you feel connected to the celebrity who passed because you grew up watching them on tv. But consider the pain that us parents feel that because our baby was not famous that their life is worth less. Everyone who passes away, rich or poor, famous or commoner will all be buried in a 6 foot hole or be placed in a 12 inch urn. In God's eyes, we're all precious.